the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
