Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
