hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
