We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
