hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
