i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
