im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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