he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
