I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
