shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
