Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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