Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
