He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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