I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
