I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
