she looked like the before picture.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
