Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
