I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
