Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
