How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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