Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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