my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize