you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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