i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
