Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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