Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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