Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
