Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
