Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
