dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
