I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
