Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
