Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize