never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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