I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
