I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
