It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
