It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
