Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
