She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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