So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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