So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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