I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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