so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
