i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.