Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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