69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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