He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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