Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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