shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
