fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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