Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
