super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
