I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize