to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
