people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
