i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
