Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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