You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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