you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
