capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
