Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
