ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
