I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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