dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
