I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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