did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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