She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
