Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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