I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
