We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
