i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
