i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
