yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
