Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
