I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
