Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
