Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I looked at my own cervix.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
