You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
